![]() ![]() Rather than being lessons on how to love and safely open up to the world, the lessons some families teach are about closing down, staying small and burying needs – but for every disempowering lesson, there is one of empowerment, strength and growth that exists with it. Sometimes the lessons they teach are deeply painful ones that shudder against our core. The lessons begin early and they don’t stop, but not everything a family teaches will come with an afterglow. All families come with lessons that we need to learn along the way to being a decent, thriving human. Toxic Families – A Special Kind of Toxicįamilies are a witness to our lives – our best, our worst, our catastrophes, our frailties and flaws. Non-toxic people will strive to make the relationship work and when they do, the toxic person has exactly what he or she wants – control. Non-toxic people who stay in a toxic relationship will never stop trying to make the relationship better, and toxic people know this. Toxic people have a way of choosing open, kind people with beautiful, lavish hearts because these are the ones who will be more likely to fight for the relationship and less likely to abandon.Įven the strongest people can find themselves in a toxic relationship but the longer they stay, the more they are likely to evolve into someone who is a smaller, less confident, more wounded version of the person they used to be. They come with a critical failure to see past their own needs and wants. In any toxic relationship there will be other qualities missing too, such as respect, kindness and compassion, but at the heart of a toxic person’s behaviour is the lack of concern around their impact on others. It is likely that toxic people learned their behaviour during their own childhood, either by being exposed to the toxic behaviour of others or by being overpraised without being taught the key quality of empathy. The more you try to step out of ‘your place’, the more a toxic person will call on toxic behaviour to bring you back and squash you into the tiny box they believe you belong in. ![]() Not the loving, healthy control that tries to keep everyone safe and happy – buckle your seatbelt, be kind, wear sunscreen – but the type that keeps people small and diminished.Įverything they do is to keep people small and manageable. This will play out through criticism, judgement, oppression – whatever it takes to keep someone in their place. ![]() For the most part though, they will feel nurturing and life-giving to be in. Things will be said and done and forgiven, and occasionally rehashed at strategic moments. In any normal relationship there will be fights from time to time. All relationships have their flaws and none of them come packaged with the permanent glow of sunlight and goodness and beautiful things. ![]() Though families and relationships can feel impossibly tough at times, they were never meant to ruin. Sadly, families are not immune to the poisonous lashings of a toxic relationship. If toxic people were an ingestible substance, they would come with a high-powered warning and secure packaging to prevent any chance of accidental contact. ![]()
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